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Showing posts with label literature. Show all posts
Showing posts with label literature. Show all posts

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

6 of the Greatest Superpowerless Superheroes

May 30, 2017 0
We know Superman – faster than a speeding bullet, nigh indestructible – and radioactive spider-ly empowered Spiderman. We know Thor, and Hulk, The Fantastic Four, all of the mutants from X-men… To say there are a lot of powerful superheroes is an understatement, and we love (almost) all of them. But, surrounded with all these amazing abilities, it’s often hard to forget that some of the greatest ‘superheroes’ are just ordinary people who have some pretty awesome skills or weapons. Here are:

6 of the Greatest Superpowerless Superheroes



1. Tony Stark, Iron Man; Marvel

Come now, let’s be honest. He’s Tony Stark, Iron Man. He needs no introduction, save to say that he is a “genius. billionaire, playboy, philanthropist”, and only because that’s his own words – although we suspect ‘superhero’ can now be tacked on to that. He is an ingenious engineer, who entered MIT at the age of 15 and boasts master’s degrees in electric engineering and physics. He’s the perfect combination between the sexy cool guy and the basement nerd. In the comics he also pulls a bit of a ‘Bruce Wayne’ and no one suspects the playboy to also be the powerful Iron Man – although I’m sure many would agree that the cocky Marvelverse version suits him much better. That being said… read the comics. The stories are insanely brilliant.

But despite his ingenuity, and an awesome flying suit that can apparently withstand a beating from Thor himself, Tony Stark is still very much a regular human being. He may have electronics just about everywhere, but that doesn’t change facts: Iron Man is an awesomely vain bastard in an overpowered suit of armour.

And we love him for it.


2. Bruce Wayne, Batman; DC

You can’t talk about the one playboy and not talk about the other (although, in our personal opinion, Tony pulls it off with a fair bit more style). He, too, is described as the billionaire, playboy and philanthropist, although what he lacks in genius – that’s what he’s got employees for – he makes up for more than enough with his fighting skills. Batman is also one of the greatest contradictions in comics – he serves almost as a force of anarchy in his vigilantism, but despite often being depicted as one of the darkest and most brutal heroes he has such a stringent moral code that he never takes a life.

He might have lots of awesome gadgets (and what fan hasn’t wished for their own batarang?) but aside from his armour, nothing really gives Batman a leg up against his enemies in one on one combat.

That is all Bruce.


3. Hal Jordan, The Green Lantern; DC

Okay, so Green Lantern has some of the best powers ever. He’s almost invulnerable, he can fly, and manipulate the energy of his own willpower to create just about anything he wants – from comically large hammers to… well, anything he wants or needs at pretty much any point. What makes Hal such a great Lantern is the fact that, as a person, he has exceptional willpower. In fact, seeing Hal as the Lantern it’s easy to forget something very important: he’s just a man.

Although his willpower makes him a great Lantern, it’s the Power Ring that makes it possible to save the Earth in his creatively cocky way.


4. Hank Pym and Scott Lang, Ant-man; Marvel

When it comes to the awesomeness of Ant-Man, you have to talk about Hank Pym before you can talk about others who took up the mantle later. Hank was a Biophysicist before he was anything else, and then he created the suit to become an epic mystery solving superhero, later on joined by his girlfriend Janet, who became the Wasp. From lab coat wearing genius to founding member of the Avengers – you’ve got to give the man kudos.

Scott Lang took up the mantle later, after Hank decided to explore alternate identities such as Giant-Man, Goliath, Yellowjacket and Wasp. He started out as an engineer, although he became a burglar when it just wasn’t exciting enough anymore. Yeah, he was caught, but he was such a brilliant engineer that Stark International hired him to install the new security system in the Avengers Mansion (now wouldn’t it have been fun if that was in the movies?). Originally Scott stole the suit knowing full well what it was, and doing so to save his daughter’s life with the full intention of turning himself in to Hank – but the good Doc made him Ant-Man full time instead.

Like the others, Ant-Man’s ‘superpower’ of growing and shrinking, and talking with ants, all stem from the use of a brilliantly engineered suit. It’s his ability to think creatively on his feet, though, that makes Scott worthy of this list.


5. Walter Kovacs, Rorschach; DC

Walter Kovacs, a.k.a. Rorschach, is one of my personal favourites. Walter isn’t the type of guy you’d even give a second look; in fact, he’s described as quite ugly, looking like a homeless guy who always carries a “THE END IS NIGH” sign. Nothing about the average height, scraggly man would even hint at him being a crime fighting vigilante. Even Walter considers himself ugly, and thinks of his mask as his ‘true’ face. Many even consider him mentally ill – and with a past like his, that’s not hard to believe.

What makes Rorscach both brilliant and feared is that is moral code is absolute. As far as he is concerned it’s black and white, and no grey space in between. His own unwillingness to compromise leads to his death when he orders Dr. Manhattan to kill him, as he refuses to be part of Veidt’s (Ozymandias) conspiracy.

But what makes him a highly effective superhero is that he has a near unbreakable will, even in the face of overwhelming odds, peak physical strength (for a human), an almost unnatural sense of timing and precision and exceptionally resourceful – he’s shown as being capable of turning just about any every day item into a very effective weapon. He’s a gymnast, a boxer and a pretty good brawler on top. He’s even described as “tactically brilliant and unpredictable”. Hell, the only real gadget he has is a gas powered grappling gun – he’s not nearly as dependent on suits and weapons like the others on this list.

He is, undeniably, super by simply being the most badass human crime fighter he can be.


6. MCU Natalia Romanova/Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow; Marvel

If we were going strictly by the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Black Widow would be deserving of a bona fide position on this list. Trained in a Soviet Red Room to be a highly effective assassin, Black Widow is adept at nearly every type of martial arts, and one heck of a marksman. She’s got the skills, she’s got the tools – and, as we can see in the movies, she’s got a creative streak that trumps all of the gents combined. Who else would attempt to talk the Hulk down without so much as a single piece of supersuit between her and those big green fists? Without a doubt, MCU Natasha deserves a spot here…

Unfortunately, the original Black Widow is a lot more like the Cap than you’d think. Black Widow – or Natalia Romanova – was born in 1928 and given a serum that was very similar to Captain America’s. She also doesn’t age, and has the same super-human strength and agility. She was trained by Bucky (yes, Winter Soldier Bucky), and she was the one who brainwashed Hawkeye to help her kill Iron Man – before becoming one of the good guys, of course.

Let’s be honest, though – Black Widow is a great superheroin, no matter how you look at it.




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Thursday, 4 May 2017

6 Badass Monsters That Are Much Worse Than You Were Led to Believe

May 04, 2017 0
When it comes to monsters, most of us only know the (numerous) movie versions we’ve been shown – and, at least some of the time, those depictions try to capture at least some of the original monster. But, sometimes, to really understand just how badass that scary-as-hell monster really is, you’ve got to go back to its roots. Here are:

6 Badass Monsters That Are Much Worse Than You Were Led to Believe



1. The Jabberwock, Through The Looking Glass (Lewis Carroll)

If you’ve seen just about any Alice in Wonderland movie ever – such as Tim Burton’s more recent adaptation – You’ll be familiar with the Jabberwock. It’s usually depicted as an almost dragon-like lizard creature with sharp claws, wings and a really bad attitude. This has, for most people, become the accepted and expected portrayal of Carroll’s nightmarish beast. Here’s the thing: Carroll never described the Jabberwock in detail.

Yup, the description of the Jabberwock is exactly three lines long; it has eyes of flame, whiffles, and burbles when it moves. Doesn’t sound very scary, does it? But, if you read the whole poem and combine it with a little bit of imagination, what you can come up with can be terrifying. Knowing Carroll, it’s probably a safe bet to imagine it looking like a bad trip hallucination. Demonic insectoid clown, anyone?


2. Cthulhu and the Great Old Ones, The Call of Cthulhu (H.P. Lovecraft)

Cthulhu and his buddies have appeared in many films and games, usually looking like an alien impregnated herself with spliced genes from Davy Jones and a Chibi Dragon. While the depiction might be relatively accurate for Cthulhu, no image can quite conjure up the scaly, rubbery hideousness of a giant squid-faced creature who could drive anyone looking at him insane.

Here’s the interesting thing: more often than not, Cthulhu and the other Great Old Ones are shown as looking the same in popular media. If only. To name a few, there’s Gol-Goroth, the scaly, tentacle-covered giant toad and Quachil Uttaus who looks like a shrivelled mummified aborted child that can turn you to dust with a touch. Not to mention Nyogtha, who is little more than an inky shadow, and Bugg-Shash, a giant jelly filled with humanoid eyes and mouths. Once he’s drowned you in slime, he’ll control you like a puppet for the rest of eternity.

How’s that for an afterlife?


3. Dracula, Dracula (Bram Stoker)

Everyone knows the tragic story of Count Dracula the vampire, right? Lost his wife, renounced god, got cursed, and then he spends the remained of the movie and/or series trying to win back his beloved reincarnated Mina while avoiding the assholes – Jonathan, van Helsing, etc. – and sunlight. Right? Wrong.

The Dracula that so many of us have come to love is nothing like the original. First and foremost, he was no delicious Jonathan Rhys Meyers. He’s actually so hideous that he completely freaks poor Harker the hell out. He also didn’t have any ‘brides’, but instead they were called ‘the sisters’ – and they looked rather similar to Drac himself. In fact, the novel character had absolutely no redeeming qualities at all. He was, to put it bluntly, a predator, rapist and baby killer. Oh, and sunlight? He didn’t have that problem either.


4. Frankenstein’s Monster, The Modern Prometheus (Mary Shelley)

Ask most people and they will tell you Frankenstein’s monster is a giant, zombie like creature with a flat head, lots of scars, a few (loose) screws, and that he speaks mainly in grunts or like he’s missing half his brain - not counting a certain recent adaptation that turned him into a relatively hot demon slaying badass. More often than not, Frankenstein is a semi-sympathized lumbering zombie-creature that kills for little or no reason – something easily, and incorrectly – blamed on his borrowed criminal brain.

In the novel, the nameless monster is quite different. Even though still described as hideously ugly (translation, very scarred) with grace and long flowing hair, the creature is empathic, sensitive, emotional, and smart – he’s described as eloquent and philosophical, even. Although he’s still a killer, every kill is a move of calculated revenge against his creator, whom the creature blames for leaving him lost and alone in a cruel world. In the end, when even his creator is dead, the grief stricken creature decides to kill himself.

Let’s face it – smart monster beats brainless monster any day of the week.


5. The Nothing, The Neverending Story (Michael Ende)

To children who watched The Neverending Story, the destructive storm probably seemed like a horrible thing – especially since it was destroying Fantasia. The scared faces of the characters as they tried to run from the Nothing’s wind trying to pull them in probably left quite a few scarred memories and nightmares in their wake. Unfortunately – or, perhaps, fortunately – film can never quite capture the true horror that was the novel version of The Nothing.

The Nothing is a force of absolute oblivion that erased anything and everything from existence, described as a formless, featureless negation of existence. That was bad enough. But it didn’t suck things in, as the movie shows – Fantasians were actually compelled to jump into the Nothing and destroy themselves. Even worse, once it erased something in Fantasia, the Nothing would turn it into lies in the normal world. Yup, it wasn’t satisfied with destroying human imagination – it was set on destroying the rest of our world, too.


6. The Balrog Durin’s Bane, The Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien)

Aside from the running, screaming and Gandalf’s apparent death, the actual fight with the powerful Balrog lasted a fantastic minute. If you can call it a fight. And another minute and a half if you count Gandalf’s flashback. Not all that much, in the grand scheme of things. Still, the giant flaming beastie did make quite an impression. Sadly, the full power of the Balrog (and Gandalf, for that matter) is never really seen.

The Balrog, Durin’s Bane, was actually not that much taller than a man, although he could ignite his body in flames (or turn into a ‘thing of slime, stronger than a strangling snake’ when in the water) and did indeed wield a flaming sword and whip. On the surface, the movie adaptation was true enough to how things went down in the book. Here’s the catch: both Gandalf and Durin’s Bane are Maiar – powerful primordial spirits that helped shape the world.

Here’s the kicker – although his physical body is slain, as a Maiar, the Balrog’s spirit still lives.




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Tuesday, 25 April 2017

6 Well Known Fairy Tales That Aren't All That Fair

April 25, 2017 0
We all know the happy little fairy tales that keep kids (and adults) entertained these days. After all, companies like Disney has made a fortune bringing them to the silver screen. From sweet little romances to super powered sisterly bonds, these animated fairy tales have brought many a smile, laugh and tear to audiences around the world. But some of these fairy tales aren’t all that happy – or family friendly. In fact, they’re downright disturbing – after all, they were originally intended to teach lessons, not bring out our happy. Here are:

6 Fairy Tales That Aren't All That Fair



1. The Self-Sacrificing Little Mermaid (and The Dick Prince)

The Popular Version: Young mermaid saves a human prince from drowning and falls in love. In exchange for her voice, the witch of the sea gives her human legs. Although some hijinks ensue, the little mermaid does manage to get close to her prince. When the sea-witch interferes, all her fishy, crabby and winged friends stop it – saving the prince and giving the mermaid her voice back. The family bonds again, the mermaid gets her prince, and everyone lives happily ever after. Disney for the win.

The Original Version: Here’s the good news – the start of the story is pretty much the same. The mermaid falls in love with the prince, and immediately sets off to get herself a pair of legs so that she can win his heart. Unfortunately, that’s where the similarities pretty much ends. Not only does every step she takes feel like walking on broken glass, the prince also falls in love with someone else and gets married, leaving the mermaid heart-broken. Her sisters come to the rescue, giving her a dagger to kill the prince with, but our dear mermaid just can’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she chooses to sacrifice herself and become sea-foam. Not exactly the happy ending we all know so well – and definitely not one to spawn a straight-to-video sequel.


2. Little Red Riding Hood The Cannibal (and Beast Bride)

The Popular Version: This is one we all know. Red goes into the forest to take goodies to grandmother. In the process she encounters a wolf who rushes to granny’s house and gobbles her up whole. Red arrives, makes some astute observations, and then gets eaten herself. Thankfully the brave woodsman comes along, chops up ol’ Bad Wolf, rescues Granny and Red, and all’s well that ends well. The perfect little fable if there ever was one.

The Original Version: So, Red goes into the woods and meets a wolf on her way to Granny. The wolf rushes to grandmother’s house and makes a delicious snack out of her. Of course, he doesn’t feel like eating all of her, so he puts some of her flesh in the pantry, and her blood into a bottle, before he jumps into bed. When Red finally arrives, ‘Granny’ tells her to have a nice meal and Red, being a hungry young girl who just walked a long way, scarfs down the remains of dearly departed Grandmother.

Not grisly enough? It gets better! While she’s eating, a cat starts singing: “It is a slut that eats and drinks of her own grandmother’s flesh and blood!”. The little tune gives the wolf all sorts of ideas and, in his twisted fit of inspiration, he makes Red burn her clothes and get into bed with him. Only then does she realize that things aren’t quite kosher. In the ‘friendlier’ original version, Red escapes by claiming that she needs to go to the bathroom outside. In the not-so-friendly version… Red and Wolf enjoy their own twisted little happily ever after. Nice.


3. Sleeping Beauty and The Horny King (An Essay on Stockholm Syndrome)

The Popular Version: The (awesome) new Maleficent film notwithstanding, Disney’s popularized version of this story is widely known. Princess gets cursed by a fairy, pricks her finger and falls asleep. An indeterminate amount of time later a handsome prince shows up, falls in love with the sleeping princess and gives her the kiss of life. Naturally, a beautiful happily ever after follows. The end.

The Original Version: The princess still falls asleep, but from a splinter stuck under her fingernail. Her father, falling into despair, basically wrecks the kingdom. Fast forward 100 years, and a king (not a prince) finds the deserted kingdom and the beautiful sleeping princess. When she doesn’t wake up – and we’ve got to ask, did he really try? – the king proceeds to rape the girl, before he heads back home to his wife. The princess sleeps right through her pregnancy and the birth of her twins, before one of the crying and hungry babes suck the splinter out from her finger. Et voila, the princess wakes up, apparently overjoyed to find that she’s a mother.

The King does eventually return, and the princess falls in love with him – because that makes all the logical sense. Unfortunately for her, the king’s wife gets very jealous, and understandably so. She orders a cook to roast the kids and feed them to her husband, and then tries to burn the princess to death. Thankfully she fails, the princess is saved, and the cook reveals that he couldn’t kill the kids either. The queen is burned to death instead, and the King and the princess get married. Now that’s a twisted happily ever after.


4. Pinocchio, The Evil Wooden Puppet (or, Chucky's First Incarnation)

The Popular Version: A lonely old man creates a little wooden boy for himself, since he always wanted a son. Obviously, young Pinocchio gets into a lot of trouble, goes on an adventure, lies his little nose into a log, turns into a donkey… you get the idea. He’s a little rascal. But, in the end, he gets his wish and becomes a real boy. He even gets his dad, Geppetto, back, and the little family lives happily ever after.

The Original Version: There’s no happy ending here. Not even a hint of one. Blatantly put, Pinocchio is a complete little bastard. He has no redeeming qualities. At all. He’s downright cruel, steals Geppetto’s wig, and even gets the old man arrested. He proceeds to tick off every person he meets, and even kills the wise little cricket who tries to help him out. Finally, the Fox and the Cat – two enemies that Pinocchio had made – decide they’d have enough and they string the puppet up. Even the wind is angry at the puppet boy, blowing it around furiously as it hangs from the tree… until he has horrible spams, and dies. Who said happy endings had to be a ‘thing’?


5. The Mean Fox, The Vengeful Hound and The Murdering Hunter

The Popular Version: Like many a child who saw this film will attest, tears are inevitable. It’s the story of a hunting hound and a fox that become best friends as pup and kit, but their places in life seem to be set. The pup is taken away to become a fully trained hunting hound, and the fox grows up with the lovely old lady who adopted him. Things go wrong between the two friends, but despite adversity, they finally remember what good friends they once were – and all’s well that ends well.

The Original Version: It wasn’t a kindly old lady who adopted the fox, but a hunter instead. When the fox is old enough, the hunter releases the fox back into the wild. The fox returns to the farm frequently enough – not to visit his good canine friend, but to tease the dogs. Finally, one of the dogs decide he’s had enough, breaks free of his chain, and chases the fox. His reward? Getting hit by a train. That’s what finally causes the hunter to go mad with the need for revenge – he kills the fox’s first and second mate’s, and all his children. Tod the fox does die in the end – from being chased to death. Copper, the dog, is also so old by this time that he needs to be put down. So much for friendship overcoming adversity.


6. Hansel, Gretel, The Evil Stepmother, and The Devil's Wife

The Popular Version: Probably one of the most well-known tales out there, everyone knows of the brother and sister who got lost in the woods. Alone and hungry, the siblings stumbled across a lovely gingerbread house – which, naturally, they proceed to snack on. They are caught by the witch who lives there, who starts to fatten up the boy and enslaves the girl. But, as with all fairy tales, the smart kids beat the witch and escape back home to be reunited with their family.

The Original Version: In the oldest version of this tale, the two kids aren’t lost so much as they’re abandoned by their father (on stepmother’s say-so, of course). Like before, they stumble across a gingerbread house… but this house doesn’t belong to just a witch. Instead, you’ve got to deal with the witch and her husband… the devil himself – and that’s not an exaggeration. The devil needs to run a few errands but, before he goes, he tells the witch to put the kids on a sawhorse – that’s a brutal torture device, for those who didn’t know. The kids pretend not to know how to get onto the horse, tricking the witch to do so instead. She gets bled to death when the kids slash her throat and escape. The devil does chase after them but thankfully, the kids do manage to get away. Oh, and the interesting bit? The stepmother ‘disappeared mysteriously’ while they were gone…




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