6 Idiotic Decisions That Changed the Course of History

People do stupid things and they make really bad, really moronic decisions. Most of the time, thankfully, you can hide beneath your covers until the embarrassment blows over. Unfortunately, not everyone can escape their bad decisions, especially not when those decisions set our history on a completely new course. Sometimes it was for the better, other times for the worse. Here are:

6 Idiotic Decisions That Changed the Course of History

1. Cascading Brain Failure – The Chernobyl Disaster

Everyone knows about Chernobyl and the disaster that caused one of the biggest nuclear accidents in our history. Although the ‘direct’ fatalities only number about 31, estimates place the total amount of victims who died between 9,000 and 27,000 – and that’s not counting the thousands who suffered other effects, including those suffering from birth defects. So what exactly caused this disaster? Well… a lot.

It all started with an experimental test of a voltage regulating system. Everything was planned, with experts in attendance (because why would they have experts working on site?). Unfortunately, the experiment had to be cut short, so they delayed it… for a few hours. Just long enough to put the testing time smack in the middle of the night shift, with no experts. These geniuses, who decided to proceed with the test to avoid delays, initiated the experiment.

Pretty soon warnings started popping up all over the place – but hey, who gives a shite about big warning lights that practically scream “TURN BACK, JACKASS!”? Not these brave souls. Reports actually stated that some of the fail-safe's that were meant to prevent such a disaster had been padlocked to prevent them from engaging – because, again, who gives a shite about safety? Throw in a few more moronic manoeuvres, and you’ve got an exploded reactor on your hands.

Do they evacuate? Nah. Warn the people? HELL no. This is MUTHER RUSSIA. She has no disasters. Thus, on the orders of their superior, Akimov, all the poor buggers just kept working – mainly on clearing up all the debris. Without safety gear. With their hands, actually. Give you one guess who was amongst the aforementioned victims. The residents of the area were only evacuated days later because no one wanted to admit to their major fuckup.

And there you have it. One plague of chronic brain failure, and one giant scar of human stupidity left on the Russian countryside.

2. Just Keep Your Eyes Open – The Titanic

The sinking of the Titanic has been blamed on many things – mainly on the big iceberg that had just ‘appeared’ out of nowhere and placed itself right in the way of the giant ship. That’s what they wanted people to think. Sadly, the sinking of the Titanic can be traced to several possible causes – and all of them squarely to blame on a severe infestation of idiots.

Not only was the Titanic going too fast (since the Captain was dead set on making the crossing faster than the Titanic’s sister ship, the Olympic), but they also ignored several warnings about ice-fields. That particular problem occurred because the messages didn’t contain a prefix (MSG) that would indicate that they’re urgent. Because of that tiny detail the radio operator decided that all these repeated warnings were probably nothing important, and went back to doing whatever the hell he was doing. Besides, the lookouts were keeping an eye on the horizon – they would spot any problems, right?

Wrong. See, there was an officer that had been supposed to be on the Titanic, but he was bumped off at the last minute. That officer, David Blair, walked away with a key in his pocket. A locker key. A locker that contained the very binoculars that the lookout needed to spot the iceberg. At this point the fact that the steersman turned right instead of left was just icing on this frozen disaster. We’re not even going to go into the bloody lifeboat catastrophe.

3. No One’s Made This Mistake Before! – Napoleon and Hitler Invade Russia

First Napoleon screwed up. Who knows what exactly his reasons were – chronic boredom, possibly – but one fine day Napoleon got it into his head that he was going to march his 750-thousand strong army right into Moscow. But the Russians weren’t stupid – they retreated further and further into the wastes, burning everything as they went. By the time the tiny Emperor got to Moscow there was diddlysquat for him to find, aside from some smoking ruins. Miserable and quite put out, Napoleon turned his men around and headed for home.

Unfortunately for Napoleon, his army was now a prime target. With their supply lines pretty much obliterated, the starving (and freezing, now that winter was setting in) soldiers could scarcely cope with the constant attacks from Russian harassment units. Of the 750,000 that went in, less than a third came out.

Now, you’d think future warmongering dip-shites would have learned their lesson. Not so with Mr. Can-Do-No-Wrong Hitler. Let’s be clear about one thing – the Nazi’s did NOT invade Russia in the winter. In fact, they started their march somewhere around midsummer. And Hitler, confident man that he was, was 100% convinced that the soldiers would have Moscow conquered well before winter set in. As such, the soldiers were not given the supplies they would have needed for a Russian winter.

Everything was going right on track, until some trouble kicked up around Kiev. The march was put on hold to take care of this little problem first, before the soldiers were sent to continue on their way. Unfortunately for the soldiers, the delay in the march did land them in the icy chills of a Russian winter. And, being without adequate supplies… well, we all know how the invasion turned out. Heil der Idiot Führer.

4. Um, well… Right Now, I Think – The Berlin Wall

Ah, the Berlin Wall. The biggest symbol of the split between Democracy and Communism. Whoever thought that it would fall, especially when that split was nowhere near being resolved? And yet, that is exactly what happened. In 1989, almost like it was orchestrated by some higher power, the wall came down. But what brought it all about? Believe it or not… it all happened because one moronic politician didn’t bother reading his speech before giving it.

The idiot in this case was Gunter Schabowski. It was his job to hold a press conference with the express intention of notifying the people there would be minor changes in procedure. Please note, minor. Basically, travel was going to be permitted from one side to the other. That was what Schabowski intended to say; that’s not what the paparazzi heard. As far as they were concerned, Schabowski had just told them that the divide was over.

In their excitement to get the ball rolling already, the press quickly asked about when this change was to take effect. Schabowski looked to his speech for an answer… and found none. So he decided to just wing it. His exact words: “Immediately, right away.”. Chaos ensued. The people didn’t bother waiting for any kind of official change to take place. Hell no, screw that; they’d been waiting long enough. Thank the lucky stars that the military didn’t panic under the onslaught and start firing into the crowd, or the story of that day might be very different. Instead they retreated, and the wall fell.

The end of communism, thanks to one question and one idiot who never had a filter installed between his brain and his mouth. That’s politicians for you.

5. Not That Way, Idiot! - WWI

If you know how World War I was started, then it’s probably safe to assume that you know it was because of the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand of Austria and his wife. And you’d be right – they were murdered, and soon enough everyone was at everyone else’s throats. Here’s the thing… if not for one monumental fuckup, the Archduke would have been just fine. Might even have gone on to claim the throne. So where did things go wrong? Well…

During that specific day there had been several attempts on the Archduke’s life. None of them succeeded. Believe it or not, the chauffeur was even responsible for saving the Archduke’s life by deflecting a bomb. What a hero, wouldn’t you say? But let’s be fair; it wasn’t completely his fault that everything went wrong during the last trip. Due to the numerous assassination attempts there was a route change implemented – but no one seemed inclined to inform the drivers of this route change.

The chauffeur took the planned route to the hospital, taking a ‘wrong turn’. It was that wrong turn that brought the little party to within… oh, just about five feet of a man named Gavrilo Princip – another assassin. The dedicated assassin didn’t even hesitate. He pulled out a gun, fired off two shots, Bob’s your uncle and Betty’s your aunt – WWI begins.

6. Ignore The Messenger, I’m Drunk – Battle of Trenton

George Washington wasn’t that great a strategist, but he was one of the luckiest generals to ever exist. But we’re not going to focus on his extensive battles. No, for this list we’re going to focus on only one; arguably, one of the most important battles fought during the revolutionary war. It had been a very bad year for the revolution, so General Washington had the bright idea to do something completely and insanely rude – he was going to attack the Hessian Army on Christmas, because who in their right mind would attack during the hols?

Had the Hessian army not been under the command of a drunken, gambling halfwit (at least, that’s what Colonel Johann Rall was on Christmas Eve), the American Revolution might have gone down in the annals of history as a gigantic failure. See, as Washington was approaching, he and his army were spotted by a loyalist. A servant was immediately dispatched to go and warn the army that the enemy was on the way.

The messenger never got to see Colonel Rall. The good colonel was too busy having a few drinks and playing cards, and was in absolutely no mood to be disturbed. Instead the guards had the messenger write a note, which they then passed on to the Colonel. As it happened, Rall was German. The note was in English. The commander didn’t understand a word of it, stuck it in his pocket, and went on with his game. You can bet your arse he remembered the note the next morning when he and his men were woken from their hungover sleep by the arrival of Washington and his army.

Just imagine what the world would have been if the messenger had come running with cries of “THE AMERICANS ARE COMING, THE AMERICANS ARE COMING!” instead.

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